Fanning the Flame

As I sat in another Zoom meeting I could feel my motivation slowly dying explaining the importance of compliance and good risk management.

The attendees stared blankly into the camera, completely unmoved by my words and explanation of the importance of the program.

I thought to myself, "Is it me or them? Have I lost my enthusiasm for my job, or am I trying to educate a group of people who don’t see the value?"

I felt like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon, “Waa Waa Waa’” speaking complete nonsense.

I couldn’t wait to get off the phone. I needed to lie down; I could feel my blood pressure rising. I was exhausted both mentally and physically, but I had just gotten a promotion.

"Suck it up, buttercup! They pay you well, and you have unlimited PTO!

Your son is starting college next year. You need this to help him."

These were the thoughts racing in my head, trying to convince myself I needed to keep going.

I was a team of one, plus my boss, trying to implement a risk management program for the entire organization.

We didn’t have the budget to hire the people we needed to roll out this program, nor the funds to support the infrastructure required to implement it.

We were a skeleton crew trying to make it work and needed this to retain and keep our clients.

Overworked and Burnt Out: The Toll of Corporate Life

Like many of us in the corporate world, I was overworked and burnt out.

I had taken on several different roles as a Senior Director over the past four years, out of the scope of my expertise, to “help” the organization build its compliance and risk programs.

I was a “team player,” an “engaged employee,” one of those “high performers” who jumped on whatever was needed to move the company forward.

At the time I didn’t realize it was at the expense of my own mental and physical health.

It finally all came crashing down when I had just had a late afternoon meeting with my boss. 

He had just discussed with leadership our plan for the remaining year for the risk management program we had developed.

 “He said we are not working fast enough. He knows we don’t have the people we need, but we have to figure out a way to get it done.” 

It hit me hard. We had been a team of one for a year now. I had nothing left to give.

I got off the phone and called  my close friend. She was always my clarity when I felt overwhelmed and at my limit.

She emphasized, “I told you if you don’t take a break, your body will do it for you.” She was right. It wasn’t just the job; it was everything. 

I had thrown myself into this new job after my divorce. I moved to a new city and purchased a new house during COVID.

 It was a great opportunity at the time, with great people I had worked with before at a previous company. I needed a higher-paying job now that I would be on my own. 

They helped me with the move and were very generous in allowing my son to finish his middle school year. I also found an assisted living facility at the time for my mom that took her benefits. 

It all worked out at the time, but now it had become all too much. Something needed to change, and I needed to take action.

I called my boss that day and said, "I need a break. It’s all too much." He was very understanding, considering he also was feeling the strain. 

"Take two weeks," he said. I did, but at that time, I realized that I needed more time. I was at one of those transitional points in my life: 

"Is this job serving me anymore? It’s great pay, yes, but do I see myself continuing on this path? 

Does this make me happy? What makes me happy? Is this worth my health? Is it too much stress?" 

My answer: I don’t know. I couldn’t help but also feel guilty because I had a job. 

Many folks have been feeling the pain of the job market lately. I have good pay, benefits, PTO... but at what cost? These are the questions I am currently trying to answer for myself.

This has led me on this journey to you, the reader. 

If you are reading this, you could be feeling the same way I am and trying to understand your happiness and health both mentally and physically. 

Join me as I dive into other people's stories of burnout and how they have worked through their transitional phases in their lives or are still working through them. 

I hope together we can discover how to help each other both mentally and physically.